Chelso is oh so Gross-o

Because I am gross. 

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So I have taken it upon myself to name each of those little “oh god” that happen after you eat at certain restaurants. I am of the opinion that each one is slightly different and has a specific effect. I hope you enjoy.

  1. The Rubio’s Rumbles
  2. Domino’s Drip Drops
  3. In n out Slow Implosions
  4. Panda Express Eruptions
  5. Chipotle Odorous Show in Tell
  6. Mcdonalds Mccramps and Mcraps
  7. Del Taco Gas Factory
  8. TacoBell Tummy Tantrum
  9. Starbuck’s Coffee Spurts
  10. BurgerKing Backwards Bulimia
  11. Carl’s Jr. Three Day Journey

Due to my busy schedule I have eaten a lot more fast food than I had intended. This is by no means a complete list but it has been a fun little exercise in creativity and bodily functions. It is not exactly the most lady like thing to discuss but it is not my fault that humor and femininty don’t go together.

I have also been a bad girl and started drinking soda again because”I need caffeine” . Luckily I have been working out like a fiend to combat obesity but I think I am going to give it up again this week.

All the extra sugar has not made my skin happy, like it is super pimply, you would think I washed my face with old Carl’s Jr. frier oil.

Imagine driving up to the Carl’s Jr. Window with an empty Neutrogena Face Wash bottle and “asking for a refill”. 

I don’t think anything else gross has really happened to me, other then my innate ability to find gum that has been stuck to a bottom of a desk.

I also found an old muffin wrapper under my carseat. That was pretty gross.

Well that is why I am disgusting.

Now Time for Random Pictures!

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She Sings, and then She Doesn’t

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You know how weird it feels trying to buy your friends mattress? Super weird. It’s like asking for someone’s old tissue because you want to use it. But it’s only like this when the person perceives it as trash. Asking people for their trash is uncomfortable.

Regardless, I’m trying to replace things I hate in my apartment nor that I’m becoming an independent adult. One of those things is my broken bed. So it’s time to say goodbye to things. And it’s an interesting sensation getting rid of things you once loved and being fine with it.

I tried to celebrate my birthday this year out on the town. I’ve always had a gathering at my place in the past, but I was tired of boring people and went off and celebrated the way other people do. Problem was that I hadn’t seen a lot of these people in a while due to travel and start of new job. So the bars were too loud to hear each other, the stickys for my shoes were gone so they cut up my feet, and we wandered into a western bar with a group that doesn’t like country music. But the lines were so long getting into anywhere that it wasn’t worth going somewhere else. Needless to say, it was awkward and everybody left early.

My parents came the next day, and my mom was very eager to go to an establishment much like Baja Fresh. So I took them to Rubios and it was a hit surprisingly! They loved it and exchanged fish tacos. Usually recommending things to my parents doesn’t pan out well, but this time was different. I also showed them the antique shop I love and they nerded out completely. It was a pleasure having them in town on Sunday, even though I spent all of Saturday cleaning for it haha. They certainly kept me busy.

i am learning how to manage my time. I turn into a pumpkin at ten these days and it’s difficult shoving things between 5-10pm. 5 hours of being human isn’t enough. I’m stumbling into adulthood.

but I think of you often miss Chelso! I am jealous of your endeavors but I’m happy to be applying myself to something. Learning to manage myself in a way I never have before. I hope you don’t mind this post is a bit rambly, I’m just feeling really thoughtful today.

2 Truths and a Chelso

Earlier this week, my fellow mow sent me this list of Truths to Answer. I apologize if they were not as in depth as you have hoped but I am super tired and have developed a bad habit for being deliberate. Thank you School. Although, admittedly, aereodynamically, astrological, alphabetically speaking, I am totally having a mild procrastination attack.

Chelso Truth or Dare Truths:

Is there a celebrity you’d break off your current relationship for? Who is it?
    I would most definitely end my relationship for Chris Pratt. I could explain but I know I don’t need to.
Share your most embarrassing guilty pleasure.
My most embarrassing guilty pleasure is the shows I watch. I love trashy tv, my favorite guilty pleasure shows are Total Divas and Pretty Little Liars and of course Say Yes to the Dress
I would never ____.
        Drink and Drive
What do you wish you knew when you were younger?
        That it is totally ok for things not to go as planned, and that there is a possibilityy where things could turn out so much better than you planned for.
What’s under your bed right now?
       A box of beanie babies and a keyboard
What picture on your phone makes you the most happy?
     The picture of my fellow Mow in a hot dog suit holding a hotdog.
What’s your favorite drink?
        Coffee. A cappucino to be exact.
Have you ever deleted a status or pic because it didn’t get enough Likes? What was it about?
     I have actually and it was something passive aggressive that was directed at someone but then I felt stupid because there was a typo in it, so I took it down in shame.
    I also delted someone else post on my wall because I thought they were calling me fat but they were just saying I had a really cool personality that would make a fat person cool… It was mean but not mean to me… I guess?
What are your favorite smells?
        Peppermint, Pumpkin Pie, and Downey Fabric Softener
Fill in the blank: If I could kiss anyone right now, it would be ____.
       Chris Pratt, still thinking about him. Don’t Judge Me.
What one thing would you like to change about the world?
        People wouldn’t be able to fake smile.It is deciving and creepy plus I already can’t, I look like a electrocuted ventriuiliquist doll when I try to smile for pictures. So I feel like everyone should look as hideous as me.
What is at the top of your bucket list?
       Get my tattoo. If I make it through this semester I deserve one.
What were you doing the first time you got goose bumps?
        The first time I can remember was running around in the sprinklers during a summer night and eventually the temperature dropped.
What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?
        The biggest risk I have ever taken is believing that the career I decided for myself when I was 15, is the right one. It has only brought me good things thus far.

So I apologize that that was probably not the epicness that you expected but I will plan in something this week that allows for me to do something worth posting!  But because it makes you happy and gives my brain an outlet I will include some random pictures from the internet. (This is when I type the first thought in my head into google images)

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Chelso Haz Knowledge Noow

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Chelso Chelso Chelso,

So smart and brilliant and beautiful you are! I love hearing about you living the dream. I think I would be blind if I had to read as much as you have been having to. But I work with computers, so just give it some time I’ll still go blind.

I have also been super busy getting used to being an adult with a job. It’s fun being independent but holy moly so much to do! But here are some things that happened since I last posted:

  • cooked up some salmon and was surprised when it turned out well since I accidentally dumped half a cup of spicy mix on it.
  • drank 5 cups of laxative tea in two days to no avail.
  • drank halfway delicious box wine, a thing I though was impossible.
  • panicked briefly because I was worried some flowers my parents sent me to my work for my birthday were from someone creepy.
  • have found you were right about nail shaping, my nails have endured. Chelso mow is always right.
  • Got to see a tabacco pipe that was over 300 years old and was carved out of a tree wood that is now extinct.
  • got bored halfway through a party and took a nap on the persons couch among the festivities.
  • still have the pink toes going in perfect piggy condition.
  • ate, went running in 94 degrees, and threw up next to many couples trying to enjoy their night by the lake.
  • bought a new work shirt that has bunnies all over it(picture above).

I hope you are doing well Chelso! You are a champ that’s all I know. In the meantime I’m double fisting gum in hopes of getting you the truth questions today!


*UPDATe* Itsa me CH3lZo ! Wut.

Hello Mow this is Mow.

Boy oh boy have I been busy and it is almost in the good way. I have had the most exhausting week filled with the most obnoxious people, and I can only help but feel sorry for anyone that has ever had contact with me, because dear god my people are annoying.

I am so thankful that you spent your monies to come see my last weekend it was a needed calm before the storm. My nailpoish is almost hanging in there, but my increase in typing has not helped my manicured mitts.

I honestly have no idea what to talk about this week and I admittedly am lacking direction for this post, but I figured I should give you something to hold you over until I come up with something worth posting.

Here are some things that are new with me:

  • In other news, I am peeling like a snake or a banana, or whatever else peels.
  • I also drank 130 ounces of water today, which is a new personal record.
  • I had to put post its in my planner because of all the planning.
  • I filled out my desk calandar with things.
  • I now drink on average 4 cups of coffee a day.
  • I have a cat tape dispenser.
  • I randomnly cry due to happiness.
  • I finally can do two miles in six minutes on the spin class bike.
  • I stopped stress eating.
  • I have gotten 6 new dragons this week.
  • I regularly usedcoasters
  • Two of the people I talk the most to at school are libras
  • I updated my computer when it first asked me (well almost)
  • I typed up my notes
  • I put the shade up in my car
  • I finally showered
  • I started sleeping heavily
  • I started using my glasses case
  • I started using my new mouth guard ( but still spit it out every night out of hatred)
  • Did all my laundry
  • Ate four subway cookies
  • Ran from 15 demon beetles (at least)
  • Made a playlist that didn’t have a wildly inappropriate name

Well I apologize for not rising to your challenge of the 5 gum excercise, I bought 5 game but it wasn’t the right one I guess. However I will welcome in a questions you throw my way, or anyone throws my way for next week! I hope all is well at the work place and I think of you often in a perfectly non-creepy super platonic way. ILY ❤

P.S here are some more random pictures from the internet
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#truthordare

imageDearest Chelso Mow,

I have been the literal worst. I can only hope you can find it in your heart to forgive this Mow in time. The punishment has not been forgotten! It will be paid. By this I swear.

Chelso, visiting you was incredible. It was the 2nd time in my life that I purchased plane tickets that did not involve family or an event that needed attended. It was done for joy and joy it delivered. That beach day was a day to remember! I also loved being able to see Chelsea in her natural environment, witness the stomping grounds with my own eyes. I also disagree with the lack of theme, because I felt there was a solid amount of off-beat. The Dairy was awesome and amusing. Goats! Horses! Possums! Your backyard mountains weren’t too shabby either. The weather was perfect, the cappuccinos your promised nearly did touch heaven themselves, and the pools to sneak into are exquisite. It was a great weekend you let me bombard on.

Also recently, I haven been chewing a lot of “5” gum, and it’s rather refreshing. One of my weird worries is the off chance that my breath smells bad and that I’m subjecting someone else to it. So I like to keep him around, and this recent gum has truth or dare questions on the individual wrappers. I decided that this post is going to be filled with riveting truths that I’ve collected over the past week. Partially because all of the dares involve Vine, Instagram and Twitter.

“Tweet on Twitter a time you’ve tested your limits.”

  • I do not use my Twitter really other than to troll, but I tested my limits one or two times attempting to stay up two days in a row during college finals.

“What do you never want your parents to find in your room?”

  • My ex broke my wall and my bed with his sheer amount of troll strength. I have hidden both from my mother.

“If you had no responsibilities, where would you be right now?”

  • Disneyland. Preferably with a Chelso that also had no responsibility.

“What was your worst fashion disaster as a kid?”

  • As you well know Chelsea, there was an anime/goth obsessed 8th grade version of myself back in the day. This version was bestowed only with the most marvelous mushroom bowl haircut.

“Do you have any piercings your parents don’t know about?”

  • no, this is a creepy question.

“How many times have you lied today? What was the biggest one?”

  • I have not, I haven’t needed to.

“Where did you have the best night or your life? Repeat it.”

  • I couldn’t tell if this was a dare, but it said truth next to it. As long as stupid adventures or evenings are being spent with loved ones, than it belongs in the best pile.

“Have you ever been in love? How many times?”

  • Once, or twice. The rest were bizarre varieties of obsession.

“What’s the most annoying thing people do on planes?”

  • Take forever. Also smell bad.

“Have you ever been cheated on? Did you forgive them?”

  • Technically yes cheated on, and also technically no. But I gave them opportunity to make up for it.

“What’s the weirdest pickup line you’ve ever used?”

  • ‘Don’t make me lick your face.’ I’m not proud of it.

As you can tell, these questions are definitely created for our age group. Very important things were addressed. Kids are so weird these days. I adore you to death Chelsea and if you feel up to picking up a pack of “5” gum I would love to see your truths. I look forward to your post on Friday!!

TODAY is the DAY

Hello Mow, this is Mow, and I am super excited to see you again. You are going to touch your feet on the beautiful Ontario soil.

The weird thing is that ontario is not much of a place. I mean it exists, don’t get me wrong, it is a tangible things but on its own there is nothing to be inherently excited about. I mean it has things and places to go but it is not aclectic or anything. If Ontario was a wedding its theme would be wedding. It is not a bad thing there is just not much to imagined. I love this place for the people that live in it. There are alos things to do and an hour drive to the beach is never a bad thing. I promise that you will not be overwhelmed at its beauty when you get off of the plane.
We will also be spending plenty of time in Rancho Cucamonga or (Alta Loma) as us ritzy people call it (refer to my driver’s license). Unfortunately you have heard of this place through Workaholics. Although I do not particularly like drug humor the fake Rancho Cucamonga tourism video is pretty hilarious and accurate. I will provide the link : Welp. It has been deleted, here is my source for that: The Saddest Sub-reddit ever (literally it has five comments).
ahhhhh I can’t get it to stop…. HalPPPP

Well its making me do this so I guess this is how it has to be. I suppose I cant really prepare you for what is to come your way. I do however like our smog better than Phoenix smog. So you know perks.

It is also very exciting for me that you get to see where I grew up and where all of my stories take place. I want to drive past my highschool so you can see where everyone hated/respected/ignored me. I can’t say that you will love it but I do have confidence that if anyone can see the charm in the Inland Empire it is you.

The weather will also be nice this weekend in the high 80’s which is bad for the beach but whatever. I mean I am pretty sure that the water stays there regaurdless of how hot it is so thats cool. I am pretty much just rambling at you.

Oh and also Miss Maryanne you are in deep caca de gato, because I didn’t see any posts from this week missie and you still have punishments in progress.  Tsk. Tsk.

Alright now I am going to insert some random pictures that I liked from the internet

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A Brief History of Chelsea’s Hair

There are very few people who are as interested in my hair as “Mern”, no one else has ever told me that they wanted to collect my hair and make a blanket out of it, so I make this post for you because I listen to my fans. I have spent quite a bit of time collecting photo evidence and I hope you appreciate the very complicated history that is behind my locks.

0 to 1.5 years: Bald very very bald. Abnormally bald, I was basically Mr. Clean

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1.5 to 3 years: Blonde Blonde Blonde and curly very curly, I was basically an angel 

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4 to 6 years: Less Blonde More Bangs, there was also a high amount of srunchis

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A Brief Warning: For the next 11 years it becomes scarier and scarier

7 to 9 years old: Middle part. Even worse the time while I was growing it out.. Luckily I don’t have to many pictures. The accessories were what was most frightening from butterfly clips to head scarves, and zig zag scarves, not to mention french braids, this was the beginning of the decent.

MIDDLEPART

10 to 12 years old: My hair was a weird lengths with varying parts, with occasional braids and general neglect. The beginning of puberty which meant neglecting my hair and being too cool to care. Also the occasional stereotypical lesbian styling and sloppy pony tails.I also enjoyed pulling two strands of hair out of my pony tail as pseudobangs

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13 to 15 years old : I got a razor cut during the height of my emo faze and it only made my hair frizzier and out of control. I also introduced bows and ribbon into my accessories in order to look like my maple story character. It was a dark time. By this point my middle part was dead which is the only highlight I assure you.

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16 to 17 years old : I grew out my hair and most of my heinous razor cut however the frizz remains also my natural hair color changed constantly. For a brief moment in time I had straight across bangs

16 BANGS

18 years old: My hair finally stopped being frizzy and I started styling it regularly and looking like a person, I also had short bangs at this time but very much side swept.

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19 years old: I cut my hair short above the shoulders and have been growing it out ever since. I did it because chris told me he liked short hair, then I decided I didn’t care what he liked and have not given in since. 

SHORTHAIR

20 years old: I colored my hair dark red/brown for the first time, which was basically black. 

BROWN

20 to 22 years old: Lightened my hair in different intervals

SHADESHIGHLIGHT LIGHTCOLOR meeeee_resized

Current: A very lovely chocolate brown. Natural on the left, straightened on the right

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My Current Daily Regiment

I thought it would be fun to talk about a day in the life of my hair as of today. I take a “beauty supplement” to help with over all daily health, which is really code for “they make it in gummy form and I like candy”.  I do not by any means wash my hair every day or even close. My hair has been super dry lately so I barely wash it and the number of times per week I wash it would horrify you because it is so vastly small, and I would hate for people to think I am dirty. My hair is dry like super dry so back off. I use “Dry Remedy” by Aveda  to help with this problem and I also am a proud owner of a “Wet Brush” in order to limit breakage. 

I wad up my hair in buns most of the time but probably wear it down at least 3 times a week. I never use a blow dryer unless I am in a hurry. Due to my dryness I don’t like to add extra heat damage so I wash it the day before to let it air dry. Due to the thickness of my hair it takes a whole day to completely dry naturally. Once it is dry and in its normal weird wavy state I straighten it. I have used a “Chi” for years and have not been dissapointed. I am one of those people that goe for the slow drag with the iron, since I think multiple runs through is worse for your hair due to constant contact with the heat. I’ve found the multiple runs causes more breakage. 

I am by no means saying I have the best hair, like at all, but it is thick and usually looks okay so yep. Living with thick hair is a pain. People tell me how lucky I am but they have never overwhelmed a stylist or had to sit in a chair for 4+ hours for a cut, color, and style. When I get a hair cut it is literally a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I hope you enjoyed this post, I got very mechanical with it but oddly enough I highly enjoyed writing it.

These aren’t the worst photos of me but they aren’t the best. The photos were locked away probably due to harming people so this is what you get!

Things! Things! Things!

Toooooo Manny Thhhhhhiiiiiinnnnngssss

I am a person of many things, merny morbles. We have had endless countless conversations about hoarding and so forth and trying to get rid of things. I have some things that I don’t exactly need that I just can’t seem to throw away. I think it would be fair to call it “duplicating”. I have made a comprehensive list of things that I have too many of, for many of these items having two of something is too many… I hope you enjoy!

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Here is a list in no particular order

  • Hairbrushes (5+)
  • Toothbrushes(5+)
  • Sunglasses(5+)
  • Athletic Shoes (9+)
  • Navy Hoodies (8+)
  • Shampoo/Conditioner (a solid box’s worth)
  • Lotion (in previously mentioned box)
  • Body spray/perfume (also in the mystical box)
  • Waterbottles (3+)
  • Sports Bras (10?)
  • Bobby pins (an infinite amount yet maybe four are where they should be)
  • Nail polishes that I actually don’t use (4)
  • Teenage Paranormal Fiction ( any is too many)
  • Cavities ( My last check up I had 6)
  • Contacts in my phone ( 78% I have never called)
  • Unread Emails (couple hundred?)
  • Email addresses ( who knows)
  • Screen Names from AIM circa 2006 (15+)
  • Chapstick (10)
  • Cravings for food I can’t eat (infinite)
  • Sweaters ( I live in California so they are worthless)
  • People I don’t like
  • Stress
  • Pre programmed radio stations (5)
  • Stuffed Animals that I remember the name (60 +)
  • Unopened deodorants (6)
  • Unpaired socks ( I couldn’t even get close to an actual number)
  • Trips to the bathroom (yeah just too many, cant give you a number do to irregularity)
  • Headphones/ear buds (4+)
  • Things in my room that are not mine (my family treats my rooms like the room of requirement)
  • Old bills (A file folders worth)
  • Freckles ( at least 25)
  • Coffee Creamer bought for me that I can’t ingest (1)
  • Second Place trophies (8+)

Well I think that is a list that will help you get an idea of what I hoard in my home town. I am super excited for you to be here next week! How exciting, although hilariously I have found out that most of people are going to be out of town but we will figure out someway to entertain ourselves!