I am not big on birthdays. I never have been, I realized that I dislike most holidays. I find that people use holidays as an excuse to pretend to be cohesive –whether as a family or a group–. I guess this kind of makes me seem like a “grinch”, but I hate excuses.
I understand that this makes some people happy. It is admissible if it makes you happy, but I am not one of those people. I am a good sport about it, and have accepted that most the time my role in the holidays is to make other people happy.
I think I have just lowered my expectations for the magic of a holidays. Which makes them just your average ordinary day.
I should want to make the most out of everything, I should be that kind of person especially because of Chris’ limited ability to be involved in these days for the next three years. Everyone is still pushing this idea, that I need these extravagant memories to hold onto. I realized I am just not that kind of person, and we do not have that kind of relationship.
If my relationship were dependent upon the memories of spectacular events it would be a romanticized fantasy. A fairytale with plot points and foreshadowing and one climax and eventually a conclusion. The beauty of my relationship is its realness. Its presence in my day to day life that makes each day a little sweeter. My relationship doesn’t hinge on these magical moments or doing “fun” things. It is simply being.
That is why this will be so hard for me. If my relationship was about rose colored fragments of time than Chris going away would be of little change. It would be virtual yet same. The moments of magic would be few so naturally they would have more potency. Our life is changing from the day to day, to The Day I Get To See Him Next.
Ultimately I am ready for this change and we will power through and learn how much we love each other again, which is something that can be hard to remember after 5 years of constant interaction.
Now for some random thoughts
Sorry my posts always turn into this topic but ultimately this is the biggest thing happening in my life right now.
School is pretty big to but I am finding my balance and way so it has little extra stress.
My life is always stress so its really just the little extra nuances that drive me nuts.
Thank you for being such a pal throughout this whole thing; it has been a blessing.
I have a test on my birthday tomorrow. Which is gross. Like really gross. Thank you for all the positivity you have been sending me.
I sat down and thought about all the aquarius people that have liked me and it is really surprising to me that they have also caused me quite a lot of grief.
Hopefully I will have time to do the fun post I wanted to do for you soon!
Much Love from your favorite Hug Thug,
—————————> Chelsea Mow