I enjoyed your post immensely. It put huge smile on my face. Mainly because I know in all those instances those people were far more uncomfortable than you. I like the idea of you making boring people suffer. Maybe that’s sick, but to quote Fall Out Boy (who no one has done since 2002) “That’s just who I am this week”.
This week will forever be known as “Satan’s Asshole”. I can gladly say that I have crowned, and am currently swimming in the cesspool abyss that is my reality. I made it through “by the hair that occasionally grows unexpectedly out of the mole on my chin”. It is behind, and I might actually catch up this weekend. I have to; I really don’t have a choice. However, I am refreshed nonetheless.
I am trying to enjoy my weekend, but school is always on the brain. It also doesn’t help that I am being guilted for leaving my kitties alone while I go try to enjoy myself. I am not going to buy, that a night of fun is worth the 4 minutes of enjoyment my cats get when I first get home.
Despite feeling refreshed I feel like this particular cat from my newly rediscovered phone game. I guess its bad that I am spending more time with virtual cats than real ones, but I don’t care. Not this weekend.
No matter what I do, I feel overwhelmed, and like I am disappointing someone. It’s a really shitty feeling, and its kind of becoming a constant for me. Sometimes I wish I didn’t go to school so close to home. They all love me, and want what is best for me, but sometimes its too much. Sometimes it is not even their fault, I just put all these fake thoughts in their heads that they aren’t even having. I would say that this is my version of Hamlet’s descent into madness, but we both know I’ve been seeing ghosts for a while now.
I hope I haven’t disappointed you. I miss you very much, and I am glad this new job has been interesting. I’m sorry it is not as fun, but I still stand by that this is a really good thing for you. I’m excited for everything on your horizon. Right now, I do not feel good about where I am. I’m trying to find the silver lining, but ultimately I need something with instant gratification. Maybe an app that tells me I’m pretty.
Now for some levity: I am kind of the weird class clown. I actually feel like the little idiot kid in every anime. The one that does deserve to be there, but their purpose is to whine and provide the occasional intentional/accidental humor usually at their own expense. Sometimes I get caught up in this, but lately I have just been telling jokes for my own enjoyment because it is what gets me through my shitty day. I am going to do my best to explain a joke, which may make it unfunny but here we go:
Anytime there is some collaborative effort, whether it be two people or a group, I think it’s hilarious how seriously people take things. It’s not just intense focus on the concept, it seeps into their emotions and personalities. I have to laugh at it, I have to, but I can’t do it in my head, because I am Chelsea. After the exercise is over, or a conclusion is reached, or I finally get to leave, I say something along the lines of the following:
“Alright, gather in team. Put your hands in. Great teamwork. I’m really proud of you all. Now go grab some orange slices. Veronica’s Mom is team mom this week so grab your oreos and capri sun. I’m out of here, see you next practice.”
Then I attempt to leave. Someone tells me I’m funny, and I say something like:
“It scares me that lawyers think I’m funny. Probably means I’m not.”
Sometimes the last bit is the part that gets the laugh.
So that is how I try to get through the day. Getting through days is what I do now. However, I do have a trip to look forward to. I also bought you some things since I realized I never really gave you a christmas gift. One of these days I’ll send it to you.
Go Mow in Peace,