Dear Chelso Mow

There is a homeless guy that perches by my work that I go an entire block to walk around because he wails loudly: “CAN ANYBODY HELP ME? WILL ANYBODY HELP MEEE??” He chases you with his paper cup desperately and demands for help at the top of his lungs. I honestly feel for him, homelessness does not appear to be a cake-walk. However, his tactics alarm me and I steer clear of him every day for the last two and a half months.

On that note, I was listening to a podcast today and in it they were talking about how a well-known author I did not very well known made a list of things someone can do to brighten someone else’s day. This is very productive and very positive and I appreciate the idea. I do feel like as the world needs more trolls, I would like to make a list of things that could slightly ruin someone’s day.

How to Slightly Dampen Someone’s Day:

  1. Cut them off in traffic and not think twice about it.
  2. Start a conversation with the cash register person when there’s a long line of people behind you.
  3. Leave your dirty dishes next to the sink for them to clean up. Don’t offer to help.
  4. Park like a madman and get a thrill at the idea that someone will try to park next to your park-job. Then leave after them so they look like the crazy person who started the parking nightmare.
  5. Do not even motion to stop the elevator doors from closing when a person is approaching to get in. Make sure to include some awkward eye contact.
  6. Find something about someone. Tell someone that you like how they have done it that day. Make it clear that you like it far more than any other day they’ve done it ever.
  7. Ask someone a question about themselves and then immediately do something else when they try to answer it. You don’t have time for that shit.
  8. Glue pennies to the ground faced heads up.
  9. Try to start conversations in the bathroom with people you don’t know very well.
  10. Start a sentence with: “Not to be offensive or anything, but…”
  11. Argue with someone in great detail when they are attempting to do something nice for you.
  12. Walk really slowly in a walk-way or isle.
  13. Walk really slowly across the street at a light or cross-walk.
  14. Put someone on the spot to pay for your meal. Maybe even promise to pay them back if you have a reputation of never paying people back.
  15. Hold the door open for someone when they are a decent distance away.

Chelso, I hope you like my list. I miss you but I won’t for much longer! I am excited to see you soon!

Much and many plentiful abundance of regards,

Maryanne

I lost my thing

Dear Chelso,

We watched the Chopped series with Ted Allen and his rugged face stubble – emphasizing the outdoorsness of a grill-off. It was everything you talked it up and more and I needed you to know this.

Right before I started to write this I decided to make my own cold brew coffee with this ground espresso that is too finely ground to actually use for espresso. I asked for it ground very fine and they practically made me a clay powder that clogs up my espresso tools every time I try to use it. I’ve been truly stumped by this stuff. However – last night as I was watching a Hulu advertisement with a cute old man talking highly about Starbucks employee life – I came up with the idea to stick the powder in a couple of those tea bags we bought at Diaso and leave it in some water overnight. Time will only tell if this is a success or not. I’m assuming it might be such a fine powder that it finds its way through the tea bags and ends up all at the bottom of the pitcher. This is what I find invigorating these days.

Chelso I loved your recommendation list and I hope I get to see your dress at some point! I personally really enjoy our reviews of things and I also enjoy having opinions about random stuff.

I recently decided that I wanted to go through my clothes and toss out a bunch of stuff I don’t wear to prep for the future move. I dumped all of my clothes in the middle of the floor and maybe worked my way through a fifth of my belongings. The remainder has been in the middle of my floor for about two weeks now. It’s definitely not the only thing hazardously left in my sick-path. It’s that moment where you wake up from your sick haze and realize how much of a mess you’ve become. I recall a similar feeling after being done with finals in college – just emerging from the chaos and noticing that somehow my life now resembles something of a tornado wreckage. I’m hopeful to get back on track this weekend. Much like my makeshift coldbrew, only time will tell.

I promise next time I’ll have something more exciting to say – but in the meantime this is all I have. You are lovely Chelso and I look forward to your next post!

Chelso Reviews

Hi Maryanne!

I always enjoy the posts where we review products or various things. I decided to do one. Because it could be a post with some actual point (which is rarity for me).

Hair Lightening Products. 

Lately I have been considering lightening my hair. My current color is to dark and my hair is too stressed and damage to handle lightening, so I’ve been using products that are supposedly easy on the hair. Now, I have color treated hair so it is not as effective but here are two solutions I tried.

John Frieda Hair Lightening Product 

I got it in the clearance section of Target. Now all of these products say not to use images.jpegon color treated hair, but I’m not trying to look blonde blonde as much as just lighter. My hair is jacked up so I wasn’t too concerned.  The product itself was effective. Since my hair is long it only lasted about 3-6 treatments. My hair did lighten and it didn’t seem to damage my hair anymore than it already is. However, the smell was really gross. It didn’t smell like chemicals or clean but like dirty mop water.

How It Works: After you wash your hair you spray it all over and style as usual. So the smell would kind of get baked in.

If it mixed it with other products you couldn’t smell it but it wasn’t my favorite. Eventually I got used to it and it maybe lightened my hair two shades.( I should change lightened to altered) Despite the smell I would do it again if it were on sale.

Apple Cider Vinegar: As part of my hair lightening adventure I decided to seek out a more “natural” approach to hair lightening after my stinky spray ran out. It was also supposed to double as a conditioner and shine treatment.

How It Works: You make sure your hair is wet and then you put one tablespoon of Vinegar with One cup of Water. You mix it in a spray bottle and spray liberally. It was unclear if I was supposed to use all of it, so I took the Maryanne approach and used all of it. It took a long time to spray on. I ended up putting more vinegar then they said. Then you are supposed to let it soak for 30 minutes and wash it out.

What Happened: I ended up combing it as I went along which may have made it not soak into my hair very much. it did function as a dentangler and made my hair soft. It was not a permanent soft, and did not actually condition my hair as much as make it ok for a little while. I’m going to try it again. It may have made my hair slightly lighter but I’m not convinced.  Here is a picture of apple cider vinegar in case you don’t know what it looks like for some reason. Symmetry is important to me. Or not because WordPress hates me. I’m leaving this bit in because its silly.

Ulta Salon

I shared with you how I felt about Ulta. I felt like I was too frumpy to be there. However, I ended up there because my hair was desperate for a deep condition, and I was too embarrassed to go to my hair dresser after playing science experiment with my hair. I also was not ready for a haircut and didn’t want to get yelled at by her. So I decided to go to Ulta because it was regionally close to me. The girl was actually really sweet, and she did a good job handling my hair and took her time. I got compliments on it all day, and if you go in the morning it is literally a ghost town. The prices were kind of high, but not really in comparison to what I am used to paying. For a style and deep conditioning treatment it was 48 dollars. It took her two hours, but she did a beautiful job. Would recommend.  None of my pictures are working. Kill me. So I will describe it vividly where the picture should be.

*There is a row of chairs in a white salon. Could literally be anywhere. I felt like I needed a picture. The chairs are black.

Ordering Clothes Off Amazon: 

I recently needed a dress for a concert I want to go to. I wanted a white one with sleeves to cover my arm chub. I hate cap sleeves and I didn’t want to shop so I thought I would try amazon. I found a darling dress for 30 bucks that fit perfectly. The reviews were trustworthy on sizing which was impressive because most clothing cites haven’t figured that one out. I did predict the dress to be more sheer than advertise so i bought a slip. It worked out great.

*here is a picture of the dress and amazon logo. My efforts are not being shown. It’s white, has a zipper and lace. It’s really cute and I am angry you can’t see it.

 

Well I think good things come in threes so I will stop there. (I know it’s technically four but whatever). It was not an exciting post but my life is not exciting. I hope you found this useful. It’s ok if you didn’t, I wont cry.

May you have a week filled with blessings, sprinkles, and gluten free shampoo.

Respectfully,

Chelzmow

 

 

 
DISCLAIMER* I am still working on my video. I’ve been living on a rock and don’t see people very often, but it is in the making. I promise. I’m at three now.