Where in the World is Chelso

Hello Ms. Mow,

I have about a half hour to kill so i figure I would post.

My week has been busy, travelling and what not, but I will do my best to provide you with a wee bit of entertainment.

I am writing at a Starbucks, that has a password… don’t tell anyone but the password is “starbucks”. Tricksters. So I figured this post would just be mainly about the dumb thoughts I’ve had lately. The kind that trickle in, and go away before ever getting shared.

There are a lot of words that we use the opposite of, but not the root word:




I have about twenty of them, but I can’t find my notebook where I wrote them down. So there is three for now.

Another conundrum I had this week: 

Does it make me immature or old, that I considered buying vans for 45 minutes because I like the idea of a shoe i don’t have to tie

Burning Life Questions:

Why do my finger nails on my ring finger grow so long suddenly over night?

Things Worth Buying: 

This is just a small list of things that I think I worth purchasing when a product is needed.

Need a camera? 

Get a Gopro.

I bought one for my trip, and although pricey I have had so much fun with it. I plan to make all sorts of weird videos and awesome pictures. The quality is rad as fuck, and its Chelsea-proof. I don’t think I could destory it unless I tried. There’s something magical about that.

Need a heat protection spray for your hair?

Get Tresemme Heat Protector

They sell it at target and it is the best one I’ve used by far. I’ve tried a lot of these over the years, and my hair doesnt like most of them. It gets filmy, or frizzes really bad after a couple of hours. My hair is super straight and its been three days. My hair normally doesn’t stay straight for more than a night.

At Starbucks? 

Get the Cascara Latte.

It is delicious, and is naturally sweet. it doesn’t have a lot of calories especailly if you get with anything aside from whole milk.

Now time for two random anecdotes: 

When I was on the plane, some weird guy, after doing the awkward “in my way dance” decided to flirt with me instead of letting me into the bathroom. Nothing is more unappealing to taken person that a weird guy on a plane hitting on her instead of letting her pee.

When I was riding the subway, I had a crazy lady with glitter on her eyelids yell at me in a different langauge while shaking a pearl bracelet. She was yelling something to the effect of “cookie choco cookie cookie choco” while pointing up.

I really wanted more for you, and I will have plenty when i am back safe and sound in the states, but here you go!

Remember that you are a mighty mow, that can defeat anything that stands in her way! 

– ChelsMow

Google Search: Travel Cow


Common Courtesy… Kinda

Dear Mows,

I suppose I have been in a whiny mood, but here are my thoughts on courtesy:

Things that seem like common courtesy to me, but apparently are not:

  • Using a seriffed font. I remember distinctly the day in 6th grade where we talked about writing papers on the computer. We learned about proper MLA format. We also received a general education about computer courtesy. Like yellow was impossible to read, and black font over blue background will give you a stroke. We also learned that san-serifed fonts are more difficult to read. It turns out a lot of people do not know the difference between a seriffed font, and a san seriffed font. A seriffed font (like Times New Roman) has little lines at the end of each segment of a letter. It is hard to explain, but if you look at fonts like Arial and compare them to courier it becomes very clear. It takes your brain longer, and requires more effort to read a san serif font because your brain sees the letters as single entities. A serrifed font makes the entity the word instead of the letter. Granted, I have not looked up this information since, but I trust my 6th grade science teacher, oddly I can’t remember their name but this stuck with me. Test it out. Read a page in Times New Roman, then read it in Arial, the difference maybe small but it’s there. I also tend to feel more exhausted after reading a san-serrifed font. (You can imagine my dismay when Microsoft Word switched to Calibri instead of TNR).
  • Say “Bless You” if you are going to turn around and stare at me when I sneeze. I notice this a lot with people who are not from western countries. I know that this is because “Bless You” comes from weird Protestantism fears of your soul leaving your body during a sneeze, but I personally appreciate the gesture. I figure it is the daily equivalent of saying “I’m sorry” after someone loses a loved one. We all know that that person (hopefully) wasn’t the cause of death of said love one, but it’s become a way to say “I’m sorry you are dealing with that”. It is the same with a sneeze. Saying “Bless You” is like saying, “Hey. I don’t know you but, sneezing isn’t fun. Good luck with the rest of your day, and I hope you don’t sneeze anymore. I am a human; my body does human things too. I don’t like it. Ok bye.” See I appreciate a “Bless you” I really do. I am always amazed during exams when people still say it even though their little academic lives are on the line. However, I don’t require it. If you don’t want to say it, because you see differently than me that is totally fine; Just don’t turn around and stare at me like I ran over your first born child just because I made a loud uncontrollable noise with a weird look on my face.
  • People who eat out and then say they are too poor to tip. If you can’t tip, you can’t eat out. Sorry.
  • If someone buys an appetizer for the table take a bite, unless you have an allergy. I recently was at a dinner with a group of people, and there is one girl who hates me for existing. I bought chips and salsa for the table. Instead of taking some of the chips I purchased she bought her own. (Granted this probably goes passed courtesy and into “Don’t be a Douche”.
  • Don’t dig through someone’s stuff while they are gone. Living with multiple people, and those people being related to me, people going into my room to find things is a common occurrence. If you don’t see it upon immediate entry or in plain view; you need to turn around and leave, not dig through my drawers. I keep weird things in there, and it won’t be comfortable for either of us.
  • Be Mindful of your (and your children’s) elbows. As I write this I have been elbowed in the back twice. The third time I elbow back.
  • Don’t Flirt with People who are with their parents. It is awkward and gross. The male employees at the Starbucks near my house enjoy “grade school” flirting with me every time I go there. Regardless of who I am with. It’s dumb and creepy. When I pulled up to the window they were all standing there for the full purpose of staring at me.



Dumb Shit that Pissed Me Off This Week

Dear Maryanne, 

This is a controlled rant of dumb shit that pissed me off this week. Some of it bothered me on a deep emotional level, some of it was probably me being stressed. Whatever. Enjoy. 

I am currently at Barnes and Noble. This guy is sitting at the table across from me, and thinks its ok for him to stare at me. Sometimes Directly other times with using the reflection of the window. He has dumb stickers on his laptop, most of which are baseball. Screw that guy.


People who finish exams three minutes early and then make a big show about being done early. Sit your ass back down, you are too lazy to proof read. I get it.

A target employee decided to have a full on conversation with her friend instead of handing me my receipt. I awkwardly stood there while she complained that her boyfriend doesn’t give her enough attention. My theory is that he gives her plenty but she is too busy holding someone’s receipt to notice anything that is actually going on around her.

I hate it when people put the subject of their email as what they want. Don’t send me a bodiless email. There is a reason the email provider says, “are you sure you want to send this email without a body”. It’s because its rude and ugly. This was also a professional office. A guy from a bank sent me a bodiless email.

People who don’t text back, but then say “long time no talk.” yeah. Because you didn’t write back.

When someone says, “I’ll get it to you tomorrow” and then sends it two days later and has the audacity to call you 15 minutes after it was sent to confirm if you got it.

I ordered a sandwhich without tomatoes and the lady behind the counter says, “this sandwhich is really better with tomatoes, are you sure you want them without.” I say, “Yes I”m sure, thanks though” her response, “I’ll just put them on the side.” Why this woman wants me to throw tomatoes in the trash, I will never know.

Also, I refuse to spell sandwhich correctly. Just a side note.

I already vented about the idiot trying to give me advice. So we’ll just leave it at that.

I think that is most of the hate I have been harboring, thank you for being a lovely mow and always listening to me through my dumb problems. I am beyond excited to see you! we are going to have a christmas blast or something or whatever. speaking of which: I hate that dumb christmas song about the hula-hoop. I hope who ever made that is dead. 

Also I typed in Annoy and Hate into the iphone gif finder, and it found me this garbage:


Here is the real stuff. Here is what happened when I googled “garbage hate”( oddly turned out to be one of my favorite searches, mainly for variety):

Day 3 and 4 “Days of Shame”

I was a very very very very bad Mow.

I decided to do 3 and 4 due to the food I just inhaled, I need to post before the shame and threat level take me. Granted I deserve it.

Yesterday started off with a cup of coffee (plenty of creamer and a little cinnamon sugar) half a pumpkin bagel smothered in cream cheese and this weird fruit paste. It was called “Shine”, and it may have been some kind of organic beauty product. It was thick and kind of crunchy and came in the weird baby food pouches.

For lunch I continued to be bad. I had panda express. I got a two entree, I had orange chicken and mushroom chicken and ate every bite. Chow mein and rice were also present, but I only ate half (because dieting).

Then I hate 3/4 of a bag of  sweet chilli pistachios. They were delicious.

For Dinner I had a heaping bowl of spaghetti. Yep. Then heartburn.

That concluded my eating.

I went to the gym and had a decent run/walk.

It wasn’t a totally horrible day but it wasn’t good.

This morning I repeated my breakfast from yesterday.

Unfortunately I sort of forgot about this for a little while and let myself succumb to the worst of the worst… I just binge ate taco bell.

I haven’t ever really been able to eat taco bell, but I stopped eating it all together in 2013. Recently, I have slowly been reintroducing it back in my life. I’m not really sure why. But sometimes I see a taco bell commercial and I just want to be a cool kidz.

I ate dorito taco, a crunch wrap supreme, and nachos. Oh yeah with a pepsi. I also ate it while I was in bed. Oddly, I’m not having a bad day, I just wanted it, and its cheap. I need to get my shit together, haha but that is going to be hard after eating taco bell.

If I eat anymore tonight I will surely post it with my next round. I doubt I’ll be doing much eating, my body is going to die.

Fun Fact, I always type what i’m going to search before I actually search it. Today I am going to type in Bad Kitty, and hope nothing pornographic pops up:

Day 2.

I, by no means, should be able to call myself an adult.

Also, on Day 1 I had a pumpkin spice latte with almond milk from starbucks. I still got whipped cream, because lactose intolerance doesn’t include whipped cream.

Day 2 also began with a Pumpkin spice latte. This time I didn’t pretend that I care about my body. I got nonfat milk and whipped cream, and decided to deal with the consequences. Because of my poor eating habits from the day before, I decided to start the day with something hardy. I ordered an everything bagel with cream cheese. I love everything bagels. While the guy was ringing me up, I noticed he put in multi-grain bagel. (I don’t like multigrain or wheat bagels). I decided not to correct him because I don’t care that much, and we were having a pleasant conversation. He helps me daily, and I didn’t want him to think he messed up. Me, thinking I was being polite, ended up causing some trouble. Apparently, I got the last multi-grain bagel. The person in the drive thru wanted a multi-grain but ran out. Also, the lady behind me wanted multi-grain. I felt guilty because more often than not that starbucks never has the food item I want because they always run out. I realized now that I am part of that problem. In a sick way, everyone wanting that bagel made me enjoy it a little more, but at the end of the day it was a dry and flavorless bread flavored cream cheese serving apparatus.

For “Lunch” I went with Francisco to Quizonos. My stomach was still weird, and full from my coveted bagel, so I decided to bypass the sandwich and get more starbucks. This time I got a sparking sangria whatever beverage and a very old banana. My options were Green or Black. I chose black. So I really got half of a banana. I picked at it, like a microwavable meal that I didn’t pick out at the store;I ate the good parts and threw away the rest without much thought.

About an hour later, I got hungry. Very hungry. But my stomach was kind of upset, so I bought a sparkling water and twizzlers. I ate them all in less than five minutes.

I had Jersey Mikes for dinner. A sandwich consisting of turkey,provolone,bacon, avocado, mayo, and lettuce. I got the mini size which is about 6-8 inches long. I also ate a bag of jalepeno chips, and a large pepsi. I allow myself one soda a week. I made it count. It bit back, I had heart burn all night.

After I ate I went to Power Yoga. I usually go with Rene, but she couldn’t come last night. I felt brave enough to go by myself. It was not relaxing as I would like. The instructor was not very zen, and was getting mad at people being bad. Then she yelled at some weirdo who came in to stare at everyone. I also had a lady yell at me for being in “her spot” when she was 15 minutes late. Despite the lack of deep relaxation I sweated like a pig for an hour, and did yoga with the flexibility of a steel rod.

When I got home I ate one mini blueberry muffin for absolutely no reason. It was there, and my mouth was close enough to it. I also made some rasberry tea. I also cant remember how to spell rasberry.

In honor of me not being a real adult. Here is a picture of me, not giving any cares, looking way more mature at 10, than my diet is at 23.



Day 1

Well, It could have gone worse.

I started the day with a mile walk, because I had to get my tire changed. My dad and I walked to an Applebees. Where some mistakes (not horrible) but mistakes happened.

First I decided to get an appetizer platter for breakfeast, because screw food roles. If I want boneless buffalo wings for breakfast instead of pancakes, that’s my business and I will force you to respect me.

The sampler came with about 6 boneless wings, and ranch dressing. Also celery that I didn’t touch because I’m not a monster. It also came with three wonton chicken tacos, filled with asian slaw. They were good, but probably not good for me.

Then I did a mile back to costco.

Applebee’s w as a bad choice because I hit threat level midnight on my ride home, and had to say a lot of prayers that I made it to the bathroom.

For “Linner”, I had a big bowl of tomato bisque. Two pieces of buttered toast, and a day old Chicken strip, that I got through half of before feeling gross.

Then I went to target, and bought a york peppermint patty. That is literally all I bought. I stood in line for 5 mintues, for a piece of candy…

I also went to the gym and ran/walk for about 3 miles.

I didn’t exactly have dinner, but I had 1.5 breadsticks that I dipped in spaghetti sauce, and a Kinder egg from korea.

I learned I really don’t like people food. I didn’t eat that much, but I ate weird things, and could get more nutrition from 6.00 at a vending machine.

Here is what I got when I googled “not people food”:

Why Isn’t Thinking the Same as Doing?

If I could invent anything, it would be some sort of machine or mystical force that turned thinking about doing something into a completed task.

If that machine, or magic fairy was captured, I would be the most successful person ever. This is really a long preface to me saying, “SORRY, I KNOW I NEED TO DO THE PODCAST.” I literally think about doing it daily. Getting my ass to do anything is difficult lately. Just reading your post about excercising exhausted me, and reassured my decision to sleep for an extra two hours instead of going to the gym.

I like to lie to myself, and say that I do not have enough time to do things. This is a lie because I have plenty of time, if I cared to manage it. Some people do not know how to manage their time, I know how, I’m just too lazy to do it. I’m working on this. Sort of.

I got burned out at some point. I think when Chris left for Korea, I just kind of sputtered out. I didn’t have time to curl up in a ball and die. I needed that time. So I’ve been driving around on half empty. I’m not sure if its ever filled up. Life is moving too fast, but its not going by quickly.

Things feel like they are happening to me, and I do not have control over any of it. I know in some ways you are in the same boat. Arguably, a scarier boat. I admire how you are handling it. I know you probably have moments where you break down, but you still seem so upbeat and I am envious, and am doing my best to emulate.

I’m trying to find little things that make my day, A week ago it was rain. It rained for maybe an hour, but it changed my day. I think I belong somewhere with weather, as much as California is home, I don’t think it is forever.

More outside time is key. But it’s hot. As much time as I’ve spent making fun of people who think Seattle and Portland are their promise land, I’m starting to think maybe they are right. I need trees and I need weather. Maybe I need a lobotomy.

I’ve been trying to make positive changes in my diet. Because I eat like a homeless person, I eat what is cheap and whatever I can get my hands on. I’ve mostly given up soda. I get one soda a week, on either Saturday or Sunday. I am not trying to give up bread and cheese. I think I have a cheese allergy. I think my lactose intolerance is legitimately turning into a lactose allergy. I need to go to the doctor, and do my bloodwork.

Despite my unhealthy focus on my losses, I have had some victories. My adversary has been Mercury in retrograde. Mercury has been my nemesis becaue my life is all about paperwork. All the time. In order to do my DEERS paperwork so Chris could get his pay and I could get closer to getting out of here, I had to go submit my documents. Based on the amount on confusion I caused with DEERS employees over the phone, you would think that I was the only military dependent that wants/has a career.

I confused this poor simple minded fellow at the office down the street. He asked me in utter disbelief, not once but FOUR times, if I was with Chris or if I was in South Korea, and subsequently why I was calling him if Chris was in Korea. His ignorance, stupidity, inability to process complex thoughts fueled the creation of a paradox, which made it so it was impossible for him to help me. It looked like this:

The reason I had contacted the office (ran by the village idiot Eric), was so that I could submit my documents. Eric stated that he could not help me unless I had documents submitted. The very documents I was trying to submit. There was a long silence on the phone before I said, “So let me get this straight, in order to submit my documents, I have to already have to have the documents submitted.” There was a pause, and he said, “Yep. Uh huh.”. We then said our goodbyes. I had Chris call to confirm he was an idiot. It took Chris longer to get a hold of Eric then to confirm mental incompetence.

The problem with Eric’s stupid was that he is the only local person who can access what I need to do. I was going to say “help me” but due to his low IQ he was never going to be able to help me. The next place was about 40 miles away and 1.5 hours away in traffic. My schedule is busy, and this would ordinarily be a pain but there were further constrictions. I needed my documents submitted on Friday. I found out Eric was an idiot on Thursday.  The next place located in some Los Angeles city with a stupid name, that I have just renamed “Los Llamaland” luckily had walk in hours from 8am-11am. The problem was I have class from 9am to 11am.

By some stroke of luck my class decided that they were going to start at 10am. Which meant in order to make it to class I had to be in an LA city by 8am, along with the rest of Southern California.  On paper it was meant to be a complete disaster. I came to terms with that. However, I was optimistic because I needed it to work. I had to make it work. Apparantly this attitude made Mercury behave itself. I was only met with kindness. The lady working there was a one woman machine riddled with efficiency. She didn’t laugh at my jokes, but she was kind enough and didn’t even blink at my singleness. I got there at 8:15, I was in my car on my way to class by 8:28. Fuck you Mercury. I even had time for Starbucks.

At Starbucks I met an older gentle man who had some sort of disability. His favorite thing was to go to starbucks and drink the unlimited free iced coffee, and talk to everyone who came in. I sat down with a bagel and waited for my drink.

He turned and looked at me and said, “No coffee today Ma’am?”.

I informed her that I had ordered coffee I was just waiting.

He said, “Sometimes it takes a while.”

I said, “That’s ok, its busy.”

A moment later they called my name, so I started grabbing my bagel. He looked at me and said, “Are you Chelsea?”

I said, “Yes.”

He said. “Oh Chelsea your coffee is ready.”

I said. “Thank you, that was fast.”

He said. “Yep, Have a good day Chelsea.”

I said, “You too Sir.”


I don’t know why but that conversation made my day. Maybe my week. Simple human kindness and politeness is a very underrated trait. That is something that I am thinking about doing, and wish it could just be done. I want to be kinder because that is something I know I am capable of. Everything else in my life is a maybe, but being kind is oddly tangible and achievable. It takes practice. The nice thing about it is that thinking about being kind actually makes it easier to do kind things. There was my rambling for the week. I know its early, but I wanted to get all this out before I forgot. Here are some random pictures of Mercury:

This has absolutely nothing to do with cows

I apologize, I have given you so much grief yet I am a little late. But I have been crazy busy with silly assignments and law school things. Here are some big things that have happened this week:

  • Booked my trip to see Chris over Memorial Day
  • Am officially the Historian in my student government
  • I was asked to be a student ambassador for my University
  • Was offered an internship with the D.A.’s office
  • Got a 3.1 on my property midterm (which is a law school gold)
  • Wrote an additional 2,000 words of Watercress
  • Finally was able to find happiness and peace when it comes to a being a military s.o
  • Validated my psychic gift
  • Reached out to a friend’s passed great grandmother

So at least I have been accomplishing things. I haven’t been able to really do silly things so I am anxiously awaiting your arrival.  I have a couple of major assignments to get through but then you are here. So Stoked.

I also found out that I am going against the person who gave me that unspeakable nickname for my oral argument, I intend to slay.

I wish I had something funny or quirky to give you, but this week has been fairly intense. The planets must be treating me well.

Ooooh I was able to diagnose a person’s star sign with only knowing the following things about her.:

  • A bisexual scorpio man is hung up on her
  • She is mean to everyone
  • She is short

I’ll give you a second to make your own guess.

How about a multiple choice?

A. Aries

B. Libra

C. Cancer

D. Capricorn

I tried to pick options that you have some prejudice against of some sort, or haven’t cared to learn too much about them.

I think I was able to get it because I know how a scorpio male would see that type of female, which is why if you guessed C, you were correct.

I hope the multiple choice at least made this post interesting, or perhaps interactive.

Right Now, I’m swiveling in a chair in class 100% not paying attention. I should probably remedy that. See you later Mow! No creepy pictures today because I am writing in class and I don’t want people to judge me, for my weird google searches.

Love you forever and ever and ever, till all the pictures in the sky go dark.



Up Your Game.









Hmm. What is wrong with this picture? I have two posts in a row. Two whole posts. Where is Maryanne’s? Hmm. Where oh where.

If you responded to punishments I would definitely give you one. But you still have some acting weird to do, from like last year. I hope that is at least at the very bottom of your two do list.

Perhaps you are wondering where this sass has come from. It has come from putting out my second podcast in two weeks. I am the Queen of the internet. Like not even sort of. Like at all.

Your question will appear on the next one.

Adjusting back from spring break to school was rough this week. I like doing nothing. I wish I could just have made up candy crush and been rolling around in bored housewives money. But unfortunately that is not my life. I wouldn’t mind winning the lottery though. That would be cool. I have to find away to stay focused. The trick was to put on Katherine Hiegel movies. They almost immediately disinterest me, and provide for adequate background noise.

I really hope in your next post you provide pictures to form a sort of mini walk through. I am excited to see your place, when I make my way out there eventually.

My podcast should be up on iTunes by now.  So you are welcome. Here you gooo, at least the link to soundcloud.

Valetine’s Mow!



Since the Lovely Maryanne-Mow has taken forever I will not make you wait.

I have absolutely no idea what this blog is going to be about. All my big ideas will surface in a new podcast, which will hopefully be recorded this weekend. So fasten your seatbelts: because we might just leave the driveway.

I figured I would talk about what I have been doing in my free time instead of blogging. I wish I could say I have been living, but in reality I have been staying in my clutter room watching every shitty romance movie on netflix.(Also Valentines Day) Missing Chris, has turned me into the equivalent of that old sad art teacher in elementary school that never found love, who wants to be Katherine Heigel, and thinks every Airbud after the first Airbud are still cute and ok to watch after the age of 8. That was oddly specific. I failed to mention that that strange woman also watches shitty movies.

Since I watch very few romantic movies it took me a while to distinguish between good and bad. I feel like there is a very thin line between “Drama” and”Romance” and also a distinct difference between “Romance”  and  “Romantic Comedy”. But I’m learning.
I found that the few romance movies I liked as a pre-teen are still my favorites. Here is a comprehensive list of all the romance movies I have watched in the past twenty days. I’ll rate them, All of which are available on Netflix.

First My Two Old favorites that are still good:

1. Serendipty
2. Kate and Leopold.

Here are some movies that I hadn’t seen prior that I liked.
3. Stuck in Love
4. Through your eyes

Then there were the ones that I had seen that were lack luster and still are lack luster (but weren’t terrible):

5.  Shall We Dance
6. Hitch
7. Prince and Me

I simply call this category: “Did Not Hate”

  • One Day

Movies I hadn’t seen that were more stupid than not:

  • Down To You
  • The Wedding Date
  • Seeking A friend for the End of the World
  • Jersey Girl

The ones that I could not get past the first 30 seconds of:

  • The Last Five Years
  • Leap Year

Then there were some that made me go WTF, and I watched till the end of the credits:

  • A Teacher

When trying to remember all of the shit I had been watching I experienced the phenomena where Netflix randomly produces even more shit, that didn’t exist 20 minutes ago. 20 minutes ago I was looking for a movie to watch, and there were like 12 options, but now when I’m trying to find things that I had watched it comes up with a million titles.

ANYWAY, that’s what I’ve been doing with my life. Well the fragments on life, the background noise to my life.

Here are some random pictures: