Where in the World is Chelso

Hello Ms. Mow,

I have about a half hour to kill so i figure I would post.

My week has been busy, travelling and what not, but I will do my best to provide you with a wee bit of entertainment.

I am writing at a Starbucks, that has a password… don’t tell anyone but the password is “starbucks”. Tricksters. So I figured this post would just be mainly about the dumb thoughts I’ve had lately. The kind that trickle in, and go away before ever getting shared.

There are a lot of words that we use the opposite of, but not the root word:

Conspicuous

Evitable

Veinous

I have about twenty of them, but I can’t find my notebook where I wrote them down. So there is three for now.

Another conundrum I had this week: 

Does it make me immature or old, that I considered buying vans for 45 minutes because I like the idea of a shoe i don’t have to tie

Burning Life Questions:

Why do my finger nails on my ring finger grow so long suddenly over night?

Things Worth Buying: 

This is just a small list of things that I think I worth purchasing when a product is needed.

Need a camera? 

Get a Gopro.

I bought one for my trip, and although pricey I have had so much fun with it. I plan to make all sorts of weird videos and awesome pictures. The quality is rad as fuck, and its Chelsea-proof. I don’t think I could destory it unless I tried. There’s something magical about that.

Need a heat protection spray for your hair?

Get Tresemme Heat Protector

They sell it at target and it is the best one I’ve used by far. I’ve tried a lot of these over the years, and my hair doesnt like most of them. It gets filmy, or frizzes really bad after a couple of hours. My hair is super straight and its been three days. My hair normally doesn’t stay straight for more than a night.

At Starbucks? 

Get the Cascara Latte.

It is delicious, and is naturally sweet. it doesn’t have a lot of calories especailly if you get with anything aside from whole milk.

Now time for two random anecdotes: 

When I was on the plane, some weird guy, after doing the awkward “in my way dance” decided to flirt with me instead of letting me into the bathroom. Nothing is more unappealing to taken person that a weird guy on a plane hitting on her instead of letting her pee.

When I was riding the subway, I had a crazy lady with glitter on her eyelids yell at me in a different langauge while shaking a pearl bracelet. She was yelling something to the effect of “cookie choco cookie cookie choco” while pointing up.

I really wanted more for you, and I will have plenty when i am back safe and sound in the states, but here you go!

Remember that you are a mighty mow, that can defeat anything that stands in her way! 

– ChelsMow

Google Search: Travel Cow

Advertisements

Why Isn’t Thinking the Same as Doing?

If I could invent anything, it would be some sort of machine or mystical force that turned thinking about doing something into a completed task.

If that machine, or magic fairy was captured, I would be the most successful person ever. This is really a long preface to me saying, “SORRY, I KNOW I NEED TO DO THE PODCAST.” I literally think about doing it daily. Getting my ass to do anything is difficult lately. Just reading your post about excercising exhausted me, and reassured my decision to sleep for an extra two hours instead of going to the gym.

I like to lie to myself, and say that I do not have enough time to do things. This is a lie because I have plenty of time, if I cared to manage it. Some people do not know how to manage their time, I know how, I’m just too lazy to do it. I’m working on this. Sort of.

I got burned out at some point. I think when Chris left for Korea, I just kind of sputtered out. I didn’t have time to curl up in a ball and die. I needed that time. So I’ve been driving around on half empty. I’m not sure if its ever filled up. Life is moving too fast, but its not going by quickly.

Things feel like they are happening to me, and I do not have control over any of it. I know in some ways you are in the same boat. Arguably, a scarier boat. I admire how you are handling it. I know you probably have moments where you break down, but you still seem so upbeat and I am envious, and am doing my best to emulate.

I’m trying to find little things that make my day, A week ago it was rain. It rained for maybe an hour, but it changed my day. I think I belong somewhere with weather, as much as California is home, I don’t think it is forever.

More outside time is key. But it’s hot. As much time as I’ve spent making fun of people who think Seattle and Portland are their promise land, I’m starting to think maybe they are right. I need trees and I need weather. Maybe I need a lobotomy.

I’ve been trying to make positive changes in my diet. Because I eat like a homeless person, I eat what is cheap and whatever I can get my hands on. I’ve mostly given up soda. I get one soda a week, on either Saturday or Sunday. I am not trying to give up bread and cheese. I think I have a cheese allergy. I think my lactose intolerance is legitimately turning into a lactose allergy. I need to go to the doctor, and do my bloodwork.

Despite my unhealthy focus on my losses, I have had some victories. My adversary has been Mercury in retrograde. Mercury has been my nemesis becaue my life is all about paperwork. All the time. In order to do my DEERS paperwork so Chris could get his pay and I could get closer to getting out of here, I had to go submit my documents. Based on the amount on confusion I caused with DEERS employees over the phone, you would think that I was the only military dependent that wants/has a career.

I confused this poor simple minded fellow at the office down the street. He asked me in utter disbelief, not once but FOUR times, if I was with Chris or if I was in South Korea, and subsequently why I was calling him if Chris was in Korea. His ignorance, stupidity, inability to process complex thoughts fueled the creation of a paradox, which made it so it was impossible for him to help me. It looked like this:

The reason I had contacted the office (ran by the village idiot Eric), was so that I could submit my documents. Eric stated that he could not help me unless I had documents submitted. The very documents I was trying to submit. There was a long silence on the phone before I said, “So let me get this straight, in order to submit my documents, I have to already have to have the documents submitted.” There was a pause, and he said, “Yep. Uh huh.”. We then said our goodbyes. I had Chris call to confirm he was an idiot. It took Chris longer to get a hold of Eric then to confirm mental incompetence.

The problem with Eric’s stupid was that he is the only local person who can access what I need to do. I was going to say “help me” but due to his low IQ he was never going to be able to help me. The next place was about 40 miles away and 1.5 hours away in traffic. My schedule is busy, and this would ordinarily be a pain but there were further constrictions. I needed my documents submitted on Friday. I found out Eric was an idiot on Thursday.  The next place located in some Los Angeles city with a stupid name, that I have just renamed “Los Llamaland” luckily had walk in hours from 8am-11am. The problem was I have class from 9am to 11am.

By some stroke of luck my class decided that they were going to start at 10am. Which meant in order to make it to class I had to be in an LA city by 8am, along with the rest of Southern California.  On paper it was meant to be a complete disaster. I came to terms with that. However, I was optimistic because I needed it to work. I had to make it work. Apparantly this attitude made Mercury behave itself. I was only met with kindness. The lady working there was a one woman machine riddled with efficiency. She didn’t laugh at my jokes, but she was kind enough and didn’t even blink at my singleness. I got there at 8:15, I was in my car on my way to class by 8:28. Fuck you Mercury. I even had time for Starbucks.

At Starbucks I met an older gentle man who had some sort of disability. His favorite thing was to go to starbucks and drink the unlimited free iced coffee, and talk to everyone who came in. I sat down with a bagel and waited for my drink.

He turned and looked at me and said, “No coffee today Ma’am?”.

I informed her that I had ordered coffee I was just waiting.

He said, “Sometimes it takes a while.”

I said, “That’s ok, its busy.”

A moment later they called my name, so I started grabbing my bagel. He looked at me and said, “Are you Chelsea?”

I said, “Yes.”

He said. “Oh Chelsea your coffee is ready.”

I said. “Thank you, that was fast.”

He said. “Yep, Have a good day Chelsea.”

I said, “You too Sir.”

 

I don’t know why but that conversation made my day. Maybe my week. Simple human kindness and politeness is a very underrated trait. That is something that I am thinking about doing, and wish it could just be done. I want to be kinder because that is something I know I am capable of. Everything else in my life is a maybe, but being kind is oddly tangible and achievable. It takes practice. The nice thing about it is that thinking about being kind actually makes it easier to do kind things. There was my rambling for the week. I know its early, but I wanted to get all this out before I forgot. Here are some random pictures of Mercury:

I Am the Worst

Dear Ms. Mow,

Here are my thoughts:

So I am a very busy but also lazy piece of something unsavory.

I just write so much now it has become a chore, which is bad, since I like writing.

It occurred to me you still have my binder. I need it back soon, i’ve been a part form it for too long.

I wish I had more to report, but I simply don’t.

I have an idea for a post that I need to actualize but laziness keeps kicking in and here I am.

However, I am not afraid of punishments much since you have one heinously over due.

I study all the time, well not really but I study and then I get tired of what I am doing.

I have been updating you on all the petty Facebook drama,

I am still working on my letter but I can’t help but think about how fruitless my efforts are for she is too self absorbed to see fault in her self, so it would be lost on her. My beautiful hate would be completely unappreciated.

It was really weird doing nothing for Halloween this year. I did nothing at all except watch Season Six of the Good Wife. Chris and I drank wine out of sippy cups, while eating ice cream out of the container, with the lovely smell of a midnight pumpkin candle I got on clearance (at Target) lingered in the air. So Romance.

It is frustrating because everyone keeps telling me I need to make memories like Chris. I hate it. You were so right, and I will never stop telling you that. I have also decided that I am ending all this nonsense of people talking to me like Chris is dying as opposed to joining the armed forces. Like I’m done. So on monday I am going to start saying, “I understand that you think you are helping but I honestly don’t want to talk about it, like at all. I appreciate your concern but honestly it is not something I want to spend thinking about, especially while I’m at school.” Well something to that note, When I say it while i’m in the shower it sounds polite but also like “ASK IT AGAIN I F***ING DARE YOU”.

I took a personality quiz that uses pictures as answers and it was interesting. But also stupid. Chris and I chuckled because if you interpret the pictures literally it is complete nonsense. It was made by Europeans so, what do you expect. There was also far too many pictures of washer machines… I don’t get it but whatever. Here is the link: http://you.visualdna.com/quiz/whoami#/feedback?utm_source=WAI-picture-VDNA

I am so ready for christmas break. Fun Fact Christmas is in 55 days.

I am going to post again soon and slowly have the proper amount of posts but I hope all is well! I would love to hear a funny anecdote about your work or life with only one thumb!

Cheers,

Best Wishes,

Sincerely,

Your Friend,

With Love,

ChelllzzzzzzyMow

P.S here is some pictures and phrases I typed into Google Images(have fun matching them): “Grapefruit Lollypop Creature Baby” “Sad Insect Guitar” “German Cat Basket” “Sexy House Lizard” “smile tears of hot sauce” “Swiss Workplace Pig” “Maryanne Mobley” “Eggs Sad Walrus”

Unknown images-4 images images-5 images-3 images-2 Unknown-2 images-1 Unknown-1