RE:ATTENTION:URGENT

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Dear Chelso Mow,

Upon careful review of your request, I would like to come to an agreement that it is in fact the best idea ever. We have both slacked and I think this is a great way to get the ball rolling again. I am also privy to YouTube idea I would love to have YouTube channel together. I tried to think of a way to widen the span of punishments as I love the idea of making videos as a punishment. However, upon a lot of thought I realized yours 1. does not spend any money 2. use body if injured 3. put pressure on other participant to creatively think of punishment and have them feel bad for being bad guy 4. doesn’t require a lot of prep 5. still deters. It’s truly artistic how well you crafted this and I want you to know how thoroughly I admire it.

We may need to adjust official posting schedule. Although I think I’m still fine with Mondays.

Chelso Mow I look forward to this new arrangement. May the posting begin!

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Why Isn’t Thinking the Same as Doing?

If I could invent anything, it would be some sort of machine or mystical force that turned thinking about doing something into a completed task.

If that machine, or magic fairy was captured, I would be the most successful person ever. This is really a long preface to me saying, “SORRY, I KNOW I NEED TO DO THE PODCAST.” I literally think about doing it daily. Getting my ass to do anything is difficult lately. Just reading your post about excercising exhausted me, and reassured my decision to sleep for an extra two hours instead of going to the gym.

I like to lie to myself, and say that I do not have enough time to do things. This is a lie because I have plenty of time, if I cared to manage it. Some people do not know how to manage their time, I know how, I’m just too lazy to do it. I’m working on this. Sort of.

I got burned out at some point. I think when Chris left for Korea, I just kind of sputtered out. I didn’t have time to curl up in a ball and die. I needed that time. So I’ve been driving around on half empty. I’m not sure if its ever filled up. Life is moving too fast, but its not going by quickly.

Things feel like they are happening to me, and I do not have control over any of it. I know in some ways you are in the same boat. Arguably, a scarier boat. I admire how you are handling it. I know you probably have moments where you break down, but you still seem so upbeat and I am envious, and am doing my best to emulate.

I’m trying to find little things that make my day, A week ago it was rain. It rained for maybe an hour, but it changed my day. I think I belong somewhere with weather, as much as California is home, I don’t think it is forever.

More outside time is key. But it’s hot. As much time as I’ve spent making fun of people who think Seattle and Portland are their promise land, I’m starting to think maybe they are right. I need trees and I need weather. Maybe I need a lobotomy.

I’ve been trying to make positive changes in my diet. Because I eat like a homeless person, I eat what is cheap and whatever I can get my hands on. I’ve mostly given up soda. I get one soda a week, on either Saturday or Sunday. I am not trying to give up bread and cheese. I think I have a cheese allergy. I think my lactose intolerance is legitimately turning into a lactose allergy. I need to go to the doctor, and do my bloodwork.

Despite my unhealthy focus on my losses, I have had some victories. My adversary has been Mercury in retrograde. Mercury has been my nemesis becaue my life is all about paperwork. All the time. In order to do my DEERS paperwork so Chris could get his pay and I could get closer to getting out of here, I had to go submit my documents. Based on the amount on confusion I caused with DEERS employees over the phone, you would think that I was the only military dependent that wants/has a career.

I confused this poor simple minded fellow at the office down the street. He asked me in utter disbelief, not once but FOUR times, if I was with Chris or if I was in South Korea, and subsequently why I was calling him if Chris was in Korea. His ignorance, stupidity, inability to process complex thoughts fueled the creation of a paradox, which made it so it was impossible for him to help me. It looked like this:

The reason I had contacted the office (ran by the village idiot Eric), was so that I could submit my documents. Eric stated that he could not help me unless I had documents submitted. The very documents I was trying to submit. There was a long silence on the phone before I said, “So let me get this straight, in order to submit my documents, I have to already have to have the documents submitted.” There was a pause, and he said, “Yep. Uh huh.”. We then said our goodbyes. I had Chris call to confirm he was an idiot. It took Chris longer to get a hold of Eric then to confirm mental incompetence.

The problem with Eric’s stupid was that he is the only local person who can access what I need to do. I was going to say “help me” but due to his low IQ he was never going to be able to help me. The next place was about 40 miles away and 1.5 hours away in traffic. My schedule is busy, and this would ordinarily be a pain but there were further constrictions. I needed my documents submitted on Friday. I found out Eric was an idiot on Thursday.  The next place located in some Los Angeles city with a stupid name, that I have just renamed “Los Llamaland” luckily had walk in hours from 8am-11am. The problem was I have class from 9am to 11am.

By some stroke of luck my class decided that they were going to start at 10am. Which meant in order to make it to class I had to be in an LA city by 8am, along with the rest of Southern California.  On paper it was meant to be a complete disaster. I came to terms with that. However, I was optimistic because I needed it to work. I had to make it work. Apparantly this attitude made Mercury behave itself. I was only met with kindness. The lady working there was a one woman machine riddled with efficiency. She didn’t laugh at my jokes, but she was kind enough and didn’t even blink at my singleness. I got there at 8:15, I was in my car on my way to class by 8:28. Fuck you Mercury. I even had time for Starbucks.

At Starbucks I met an older gentle man who had some sort of disability. His favorite thing was to go to starbucks and drink the unlimited free iced coffee, and talk to everyone who came in. I sat down with a bagel and waited for my drink.

He turned and looked at me and said, “No coffee today Ma’am?”.

I informed her that I had ordered coffee I was just waiting.

He said, “Sometimes it takes a while.”

I said, “That’s ok, its busy.”

A moment later they called my name, so I started grabbing my bagel. He looked at me and said, “Are you Chelsea?”

I said, “Yes.”

He said. “Oh Chelsea your coffee is ready.”

I said. “Thank you, that was fast.”

He said. “Yep, Have a good day Chelsea.”

I said, “You too Sir.”

 

I don’t know why but that conversation made my day. Maybe my week. Simple human kindness and politeness is a very underrated trait. That is something that I am thinking about doing, and wish it could just be done. I want to be kinder because that is something I know I am capable of. Everything else in my life is a maybe, but being kind is oddly tangible and achievable. It takes practice. The nice thing about it is that thinking about being kind actually makes it easier to do kind things. There was my rambling for the week. I know its early, but I wanted to get all this out before I forgot. Here are some random pictures of Mercury:

Another Week Another World Another Title that has nothing to do with what I’m going to write about

Dearest Maryanne Mow,

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I loved your post and I can’t help but notice that you were driving west on the 40, which means your subconscious was reaching out to me. I understand the sort of grieving that occurs with an old car. It really is a way to measure units of time. I will never feel as youthful in my new car as I did in the volvo or even my previous subaru. It is an odd sensation when an object manages to keep memories at the forefront of your mind despite everything around you. You will think fondly of your car but new memories await, and a new future is ahead, with new memories waiting to be formed.

I am posting early so not much as happened this week, since I posted I couple days ago. Although I have been eating poorly, and not been working out as much and am terrified to gain any weight. I let myself get stressed and I have let myself feed the stress monster to keep it quiet but I am going to go to the gym and stab the monster instead. I am still recovering from my cold but it has mostly faded into allergies.

I haven’t looked at the planets lately but I think something shifted this week. I have felt more pensive and a little more dark than I had anticipated.

Speaking of planets some of my school friends have been calling me a gypsey because of my astrological habits. I let the leo out of the bag, if you catch my drift, and now they make fun of me, however I guessed both of their signs so the joke is on them. The one I missed was a girl I had barely talked too, and they were pressuring me to guess, I diagnosed her as a capricorn in a panic but alas she was a Libra. Everyone at my school is a Libra. Life is a Joke.

I also did the math and I realized that every week, I easily type 15,000 words a week for homework. I thought that number was kind of insane. I have been killing so many trees. So much paper. I am too lazy to double side it all too.

I do my best to stay ahead in class and I have finished some assignments I ordinarily don’t do until Friday because Chris and I are going to San Diego on Saturday for our anniversary. I am not sure what we will do but I am doing my best to do all my work so I can actually allow myself to have a good time. I have no idea what we will actually end up doing, but a little adventure in my life shouldn’t kill me.

Currently one of my social problems is that I am afraid that being smiley will make people think I am stupid. I don’t have an evidence as to why this might occur but I guess it is the reason I haven’t spent my life smiling at people.

Also I had my first dose of why people at my school might not be as great as I used to think. I mean I guess I forgot that they were people who talk and are petty. Side note. wordpress just deleted a paragraph for no reason, so I’m mad and it interrupted my story. Anyway one of the males told me that he was talking to the other males, and they are convinced some random girl in our class has fake boobs. I don’t particularly like this girl but I found myself offended on her behalf. I normally don’t get bent by this sort of thing but I was a little horrified. There are so many other things to pick at when it comes to this girl but the men want to know whats attached to her chest cavity. Like I get it, but at the same time I don’t. I don’t think her boobs are ridiculous but she is extremely petite and have boobs that may not be proportionate but I don’t let that occupy my thoughts. I don’t know I was just disgusted at men for a moment which is very unlike me. I guess in this man’s world I have to stick up for my fellow lady.

sorry this wasn’t very exciting but I wasn’t feeling very vivacious. Next week I will try to do something zany.

Much Love from a Huggin Thug ****************************

Actual Life Hacks (that aren’t just dumb ways of doing things)

     Chelsea Attempts to Educate

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Too many life hack blogs are about dumb DIY projects that ultimately make you look like your parents just sent you to camp and they ran out of uncooked macaroni. Here are just some things I have learned throughout the years. I am often branded a know it all but I promise I did not come up with these things myself. I have simply just stored in my memory all the things anyone has ever told me is important. These things range from tangible to emotional, I hope they are of service to some. I figured this topic would be interesting for you my fellow mow, since it has popped up on the podcast list more than once!
1. Always wash your face more than once. My dermatologist once told me that the first      wash is to get all the gunk clogging your pores but the second wash cleans out all the stuff inside of your little tiny face holes.

2. To save tupperware from unsightly stains spray them with cooking spray first. Courtesy of my step-dad

3. If you can count your good friends on one hand you are doing better than most. Courtesy of my mom

4. Moving sucks, and on one will ever help you unless you have already helped them. Courtesy of my dad

5. Never say  “that was my fault” at the scene of an accident. Courtesy of Wawanessa Insurance

6. If your only reason for not doing something is because of how other people would react, you do not have a good reason. Personal experience

7. If you stink up a bathroom at a party fill the toilet with hand soap or shampoo if its available, it works magic. If you are increasingly desperate run the sink with warm water and do the same thing. Regrettably Personal experience

8. If you are extra stinky or want to keep smelling nice all day long put lotion on your hair. I have found that the lotion scent lingers longer than perfume.

9. To avoid cavities take your tooth brush and and dip it in mouthwash after your normal brush, this allows for the antiseptic to rub into those crevices. Also don’t drink anything for 30 minutes after. Courtesy of my Dental Hygenist

10. Going Camping? Bring baby wipes. It is also a useful way to take a quick bird bath in the wilderness.
11. If you have thin/short nails put neosporin on your cuticle line, it is magic. Courtesy of a Family Friend

12. Need to save money? Tithe to yourself, take 10% out of every paycheck and put it into your savings. Also a great way to be a millionaire before you retire. Courtesy of a youth conference from when I was 15.

13. Always clarify to your friends if you want advice or if you want to vent. It saves a lot of time and frustration.

14. Keep an old phone in your glove box. Even unactivated phones can call 911.

15. Leg cramps after working out? A lot of time tis can be from an ineffective cool down, make sure to take at least five minutes of light walking followed by stretching after a work out.

16. 3500 calories in one pound. Simply an important thing to know for us trying to lose weight.

17. Always have tissues. Always. Courtesy of the other mow, Ms. Mern

19. Never ask a question you do not want to know the answer to.  Constantly said by my dad

20. Antibiotics have an experiation date. Some can be toxic after they have expired. Courtesy of my nurse friend

21. Only use web md. if you want to scare yourself.

I feel like 21 is a good number to end on! I hope you enjoyed this even if it was repetitive! That is all from this mow this week! Any additions? Comment!