Dumb Shit that Pissed Me Off This Week

Dear Maryanne, 

This is a controlled rant of dumb shit that pissed me off this week. Some of it bothered me on a deep emotional level, some of it was probably me being stressed. Whatever. Enjoy. 

I am currently at Barnes and Noble. This guy is sitting at the table across from me, and thinks its ok for him to stare at me. Sometimes Directly other times with using the reflection of the window. He has dumb stickers on his laptop, most of which are baseball. Screw that guy.

Baseball.

People who finish exams three minutes early and then make a big show about being done early. Sit your ass back down, you are too lazy to proof read. I get it.

A target employee decided to have a full on conversation with her friend instead of handing me my receipt. I awkwardly stood there while she complained that her boyfriend doesn’t give her enough attention. My theory is that he gives her plenty but she is too busy holding someone’s receipt to notice anything that is actually going on around her.

I hate it when people put the subject of their email as what they want. Don’t send me a bodiless email. There is a reason the email provider says, “are you sure you want to send this email without a body”. It’s because its rude and ugly. This was also a professional office. A guy from a bank sent me a bodiless email.

People who don’t text back, but then say “long time no talk.” yeah. Because you didn’t write back.

When someone says, “I’ll get it to you tomorrow” and then sends it two days later and has the audacity to call you 15 minutes after it was sent to confirm if you got it.

I ordered a sandwhich without tomatoes and the lady behind the counter says, “this sandwhich is really better with tomatoes, are you sure you want them without.” I say, “Yes I”m sure, thanks though” her response, “I’ll just put them on the side.” Why this woman wants me to throw tomatoes in the trash, I will never know.

Also, I refuse to spell sandwhich correctly. Just a side note.

I already vented about the idiot trying to give me advice. So we’ll just leave it at that.

I think that is most of the hate I have been harboring, thank you for being a lovely mow and always listening to me through my dumb problems. I am beyond excited to see you! we are going to have a christmas blast or something or whatever. speaking of which: I hate that dumb christmas song about the hula-hoop. I hope who ever made that is dead. 

Also I typed in Annoy and Hate into the iphone gif finder, and it found me this garbage:

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Here is the real stuff. Here is what happened when I googled “garbage hate”( oddly turned out to be one of my favorite searches, mainly for variety):

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Things! Things! Things!

Toooooo Manny Thhhhhhiiiiiinnnnngssss

I am a person of many things, merny morbles. We have had endless countless conversations about hoarding and so forth and trying to get rid of things. I have some things that I don’t exactly need that I just can’t seem to throw away. I think it would be fair to call it “duplicating”. I have made a comprehensive list of things that I have too many of, for many of these items having two of something is too many… I hope you enjoy!

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Here is a list in no particular order

  • Hairbrushes (5+)
  • Toothbrushes(5+)
  • Sunglasses(5+)
  • Athletic Shoes (9+)
  • Navy Hoodies (8+)
  • Shampoo/Conditioner (a solid box’s worth)
  • Lotion (in previously mentioned box)
  • Body spray/perfume (also in the mystical box)
  • Waterbottles (3+)
  • Sports Bras (10?)
  • Bobby pins (an infinite amount yet maybe four are where they should be)
  • Nail polishes that I actually don’t use (4)
  • Teenage Paranormal Fiction ( any is too many)
  • Cavities ( My last check up I had 6)
  • Contacts in my phone ( 78% I have never called)
  • Unread Emails (couple hundred?)
  • Email addresses ( who knows)
  • Screen Names from AIM circa 2006 (15+)
  • Chapstick (10)
  • Cravings for food I can’t eat (infinite)
  • Sweaters ( I live in California so they are worthless)
  • People I don’t like
  • Stress
  • Pre programmed radio stations (5)
  • Stuffed Animals that I remember the name (60 +)
  • Unopened deodorants (6)
  • Unpaired socks ( I couldn’t even get close to an actual number)
  • Trips to the bathroom (yeah just too many, cant give you a number do to irregularity)
  • Headphones/ear buds (4+)
  • Things in my room that are not mine (my family treats my rooms like the room of requirement)
  • Old bills (A file folders worth)
  • Freckles ( at least 25)
  • Coffee Creamer bought for me that I can’t ingest (1)
  • Second Place trophies (8+)

Well I think that is a list that will help you get an idea of what I hoard in my home town. I am super excited for you to be here next week! How exciting, although hilariously I have found out that most of people are going to be out of town but we will figure out someway to entertain ourselves!

Actual Life Hacks (that aren’t just dumb ways of doing things)

     Chelsea Attempts to Educate

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Too many life hack blogs are about dumb DIY projects that ultimately make you look like your parents just sent you to camp and they ran out of uncooked macaroni. Here are just some things I have learned throughout the years. I am often branded a know it all but I promise I did not come up with these things myself. I have simply just stored in my memory all the things anyone has ever told me is important. These things range from tangible to emotional, I hope they are of service to some. I figured this topic would be interesting for you my fellow mow, since it has popped up on the podcast list more than once!
1. Always wash your face more than once. My dermatologist once told me that the first      wash is to get all the gunk clogging your pores but the second wash cleans out all the stuff inside of your little tiny face holes.

2. To save tupperware from unsightly stains spray them with cooking spray first. Courtesy of my step-dad

3. If you can count your good friends on one hand you are doing better than most. Courtesy of my mom

4. Moving sucks, and on one will ever help you unless you have already helped them. Courtesy of my dad

5. Never say  “that was my fault” at the scene of an accident. Courtesy of Wawanessa Insurance

6. If your only reason for not doing something is because of how other people would react, you do not have a good reason. Personal experience

7. If you stink up a bathroom at a party fill the toilet with hand soap or shampoo if its available, it works magic. If you are increasingly desperate run the sink with warm water and do the same thing. Regrettably Personal experience

8. If you are extra stinky or want to keep smelling nice all day long put lotion on your hair. I have found that the lotion scent lingers longer than perfume.

9. To avoid cavities take your tooth brush and and dip it in mouthwash after your normal brush, this allows for the antiseptic to rub into those crevices. Also don’t drink anything for 30 minutes after. Courtesy of my Dental Hygenist

10. Going Camping? Bring baby wipes. It is also a useful way to take a quick bird bath in the wilderness.
11. If you have thin/short nails put neosporin on your cuticle line, it is magic. Courtesy of a Family Friend

12. Need to save money? Tithe to yourself, take 10% out of every paycheck and put it into your savings. Also a great way to be a millionaire before you retire. Courtesy of a youth conference from when I was 15.

13. Always clarify to your friends if you want advice or if you want to vent. It saves a lot of time and frustration.

14. Keep an old phone in your glove box. Even unactivated phones can call 911.

15. Leg cramps after working out? A lot of time tis can be from an ineffective cool down, make sure to take at least five minutes of light walking followed by stretching after a work out.

16. 3500 calories in one pound. Simply an important thing to know for us trying to lose weight.

17. Always have tissues. Always. Courtesy of the other mow, Ms. Mern

19. Never ask a question you do not want to know the answer to.  Constantly said by my dad

20. Antibiotics have an experiation date. Some can be toxic after they have expired. Courtesy of my nurse friend

21. Only use web md. if you want to scare yourself.

I feel like 21 is a good number to end on! I hope you enjoyed this even if it was repetitive! That is all from this mow this week! Any additions? Comment!