Where in the World is Chelso

Hello Ms. Mow,

I have about a half hour to kill so i figure I would post.

My week has been busy, travelling and what not, but I will do my best to provide you with a wee bit of entertainment.

I am writing at a Starbucks, that has a password… don’t tell anyone but the password is “starbucks”. Tricksters. So I figured this post would just be mainly about the dumb thoughts I’ve had lately. The kind that trickle in, and go away before ever getting shared.

There are a lot of words that we use the opposite of, but not the root word:




I have about twenty of them, but I can’t find my notebook where I wrote them down. So there is three for now.

Another conundrum I had this week: 

Does it make me immature or old, that I considered buying vans for 45 minutes because I like the idea of a shoe i don’t have to tie

Burning Life Questions:

Why do my finger nails on my ring finger grow so long suddenly over night?

Things Worth Buying: 

This is just a small list of things that I think I worth purchasing when a product is needed.

Need a camera? 

Get a Gopro.

I bought one for my trip, and although pricey I have had so much fun with it. I plan to make all sorts of weird videos and awesome pictures. The quality is rad as fuck, and its Chelsea-proof. I don’t think I could destory it unless I tried. There’s something magical about that.

Need a heat protection spray for your hair?

Get Tresemme Heat Protector

They sell it at target and it is the best one I’ve used by far. I’ve tried a lot of these over the years, and my hair doesnt like most of them. It gets filmy, or frizzes really bad after a couple of hours. My hair is super straight and its been three days. My hair normally doesn’t stay straight for more than a night.

At Starbucks? 

Get the Cascara Latte.

It is delicious, and is naturally sweet. it doesn’t have a lot of calories especailly if you get with anything aside from whole milk.

Now time for two random anecdotes: 

When I was on the plane, some weird guy, after doing the awkward “in my way dance” decided to flirt with me instead of letting me into the bathroom. Nothing is more unappealing to taken person that a weird guy on a plane hitting on her instead of letting her pee.

When I was riding the subway, I had a crazy lady with glitter on her eyelids yell at me in a different langauge while shaking a pearl bracelet. She was yelling something to the effect of “cookie choco cookie cookie choco” while pointing up.

I really wanted more for you, and I will have plenty when i am back safe and sound in the states, but here you go!

Remember that you are a mighty mow, that can defeat anything that stands in her way! 

– ChelsMow

Google Search: Travel Cow


Why Isn’t Thinking the Same as Doing?

If I could invent anything, it would be some sort of machine or mystical force that turned thinking about doing something into a completed task.

If that machine, or magic fairy was captured, I would be the most successful person ever. This is really a long preface to me saying, “SORRY, I KNOW I NEED TO DO THE PODCAST.” I literally think about doing it daily. Getting my ass to do anything is difficult lately. Just reading your post about excercising exhausted me, and reassured my decision to sleep for an extra two hours instead of going to the gym.

I like to lie to myself, and say that I do not have enough time to do things. This is a lie because I have plenty of time, if I cared to manage it. Some people do not know how to manage their time, I know how, I’m just too lazy to do it. I’m working on this. Sort of.

I got burned out at some point. I think when Chris left for Korea, I just kind of sputtered out. I didn’t have time to curl up in a ball and die. I needed that time. So I’ve been driving around on half empty. I’m not sure if its ever filled up. Life is moving too fast, but its not going by quickly.

Things feel like they are happening to me, and I do not have control over any of it. I know in some ways you are in the same boat. Arguably, a scarier boat. I admire how you are handling it. I know you probably have moments where you break down, but you still seem so upbeat and I am envious, and am doing my best to emulate.

I’m trying to find little things that make my day, A week ago it was rain. It rained for maybe an hour, but it changed my day. I think I belong somewhere with weather, as much as California is home, I don’t think it is forever.

More outside time is key. But it’s hot. As much time as I’ve spent making fun of people who think Seattle and Portland are their promise land, I’m starting to think maybe they are right. I need trees and I need weather. Maybe I need a lobotomy.

I’ve been trying to make positive changes in my diet. Because I eat like a homeless person, I eat what is cheap and whatever I can get my hands on. I’ve mostly given up soda. I get one soda a week, on either Saturday or Sunday. I am not trying to give up bread and cheese. I think I have a cheese allergy. I think my lactose intolerance is legitimately turning into a lactose allergy. I need to go to the doctor, and do my bloodwork.

Despite my unhealthy focus on my losses, I have had some victories. My adversary has been Mercury in retrograde. Mercury has been my nemesis becaue my life is all about paperwork. All the time. In order to do my DEERS paperwork so Chris could get his pay and I could get closer to getting out of here, I had to go submit my documents. Based on the amount on confusion I caused with DEERS employees over the phone, you would think that I was the only military dependent that wants/has a career.

I confused this poor simple minded fellow at the office down the street. He asked me in utter disbelief, not once but FOUR times, if I was with Chris or if I was in South Korea, and subsequently why I was calling him if Chris was in Korea. His ignorance, stupidity, inability to process complex thoughts fueled the creation of a paradox, which made it so it was impossible for him to help me. It looked like this:

The reason I had contacted the office (ran by the village idiot Eric), was so that I could submit my documents. Eric stated that he could not help me unless I had documents submitted. The very documents I was trying to submit. There was a long silence on the phone before I said, “So let me get this straight, in order to submit my documents, I have to already have to have the documents submitted.” There was a pause, and he said, “Yep. Uh huh.”. We then said our goodbyes. I had Chris call to confirm he was an idiot. It took Chris longer to get a hold of Eric then to confirm mental incompetence.

The problem with Eric’s stupid was that he is the only local person who can access what I need to do. I was going to say “help me” but due to his low IQ he was never going to be able to help me. The next place was about 40 miles away and 1.5 hours away in traffic. My schedule is busy, and this would ordinarily be a pain but there were further constrictions. I needed my documents submitted on Friday. I found out Eric was an idiot on Thursday.  The next place located in some Los Angeles city with a stupid name, that I have just renamed “Los Llamaland” luckily had walk in hours from 8am-11am. The problem was I have class from 9am to 11am.

By some stroke of luck my class decided that they were going to start at 10am. Which meant in order to make it to class I had to be in an LA city by 8am, along with the rest of Southern California.  On paper it was meant to be a complete disaster. I came to terms with that. However, I was optimistic because I needed it to work. I had to make it work. Apparantly this attitude made Mercury behave itself. I was only met with kindness. The lady working there was a one woman machine riddled with efficiency. She didn’t laugh at my jokes, but she was kind enough and didn’t even blink at my singleness. I got there at 8:15, I was in my car on my way to class by 8:28. Fuck you Mercury. I even had time for Starbucks.

At Starbucks I met an older gentle man who had some sort of disability. His favorite thing was to go to starbucks and drink the unlimited free iced coffee, and talk to everyone who came in. I sat down with a bagel and waited for my drink.

He turned and looked at me and said, “No coffee today Ma’am?”.

I informed her that I had ordered coffee I was just waiting.

He said, “Sometimes it takes a while.”

I said, “That’s ok, its busy.”

A moment later they called my name, so I started grabbing my bagel. He looked at me and said, “Are you Chelsea?”

I said, “Yes.”

He said. “Oh Chelsea your coffee is ready.”

I said. “Thank you, that was fast.”

He said. “Yep, Have a good day Chelsea.”

I said, “You too Sir.”


I don’t know why but that conversation made my day. Maybe my week. Simple human kindness and politeness is a very underrated trait. That is something that I am thinking about doing, and wish it could just be done. I want to be kinder because that is something I know I am capable of. Everything else in my life is a maybe, but being kind is oddly tangible and achievable. It takes practice. The nice thing about it is that thinking about being kind actually makes it easier to do kind things. There was my rambling for the week. I know its early, but I wanted to get all this out before I forgot. Here are some random pictures of Mercury:

Another Week Another World Another Title that has nothing to do with what I’m going to write about

Dearest Maryanne Mow,


I loved your post and I can’t help but notice that you were driving west on the 40, which means your subconscious was reaching out to me. I understand the sort of grieving that occurs with an old car. It really is a way to measure units of time. I will never feel as youthful in my new car as I did in the volvo or even my previous subaru. It is an odd sensation when an object manages to keep memories at the forefront of your mind despite everything around you. You will think fondly of your car but new memories await, and a new future is ahead, with new memories waiting to be formed.

I am posting early so not much as happened this week, since I posted I couple days ago. Although I have been eating poorly, and not been working out as much and am terrified to gain any weight. I let myself get stressed and I have let myself feed the stress monster to keep it quiet but I am going to go to the gym and stab the monster instead. I am still recovering from my cold but it has mostly faded into allergies.

I haven’t looked at the planets lately but I think something shifted this week. I have felt more pensive and a little more dark than I had anticipated.

Speaking of planets some of my school friends have been calling me a gypsey because of my astrological habits. I let the leo out of the bag, if you catch my drift, and now they make fun of me, however I guessed both of their signs so the joke is on them. The one I missed was a girl I had barely talked too, and they were pressuring me to guess, I diagnosed her as a capricorn in a panic but alas she was a Libra. Everyone at my school is a Libra. Life is a Joke.

I also did the math and I realized that every week, I easily type 15,000 words a week for homework. I thought that number was kind of insane. I have been killing so many trees. So much paper. I am too lazy to double side it all too.

I do my best to stay ahead in class and I have finished some assignments I ordinarily don’t do until Friday because Chris and I are going to San Diego on Saturday for our anniversary. I am not sure what we will do but I am doing my best to do all my work so I can actually allow myself to have a good time. I have no idea what we will actually end up doing, but a little adventure in my life shouldn’t kill me.

Currently one of my social problems is that I am afraid that being smiley will make people think I am stupid. I don’t have an evidence as to why this might occur but I guess it is the reason I haven’t spent my life smiling at people.

Also I had my first dose of why people at my school might not be as great as I used to think. I mean I guess I forgot that they were people who talk and are petty. Side note. wordpress just deleted a paragraph for no reason, so I’m mad and it interrupted my story. Anyway one of the males told me that he was talking to the other males, and they are convinced some random girl in our class has fake boobs. I don’t particularly like this girl but I found myself offended on her behalf. I normally don’t get bent by this sort of thing but I was a little horrified. There are so many other things to pick at when it comes to this girl but the men want to know whats attached to her chest cavity. Like I get it, but at the same time I don’t. I don’t think her boobs are ridiculous but she is extremely petite and have boobs that may not be proportionate but I don’t let that occupy my thoughts. I don’t know I was just disgusted at men for a moment which is very unlike me. I guess in this man’s world I have to stick up for my fellow lady.

sorry this wasn’t very exciting but I wasn’t feeling very vivacious. Next week I will try to do something zany.

Much Love from a Huggin Thug ****************************

*UPDATe* Itsa me CH3lZo ! Wut.

Hello Mow this is Mow.

Boy oh boy have I been busy and it is almost in the good way. I have had the most exhausting week filled with the most obnoxious people, and I can only help but feel sorry for anyone that has ever had contact with me, because dear god my people are annoying.

I am so thankful that you spent your monies to come see my last weekend it was a needed calm before the storm. My nailpoish is almost hanging in there, but my increase in typing has not helped my manicured mitts.

I honestly have no idea what to talk about this week and I admittedly am lacking direction for this post, but I figured I should give you something to hold you over until I come up with something worth posting.

Here are some things that are new with me:

  • In other news, I am peeling like a snake or a banana, or whatever else peels.
  • I also drank 130 ounces of water today, which is a new personal record.
  • I had to put post its in my planner because of all the planning.
  • I filled out my desk calandar with things.
  • I now drink on average 4 cups of coffee a day.
  • I have a cat tape dispenser.
  • I randomnly cry due to happiness.
  • I finally can do two miles in six minutes on the spin class bike.
  • I stopped stress eating.
  • I have gotten 6 new dragons this week.
  • I regularly usedcoasters
  • Two of the people I talk the most to at school are libras
  • I updated my computer when it first asked me (well almost)
  • I typed up my notes
  • I put the shade up in my car
  • I finally showered
  • I started sleeping heavily
  • I started using my glasses case
  • I started using my new mouth guard ( but still spit it out every night out of hatred)
  • Did all my laundry
  • Ate four subway cookies
  • Ran from 15 demon beetles (at least)
  • Made a playlist that didn’t have a wildly inappropriate name

Well I apologize for not rising to your challenge of the 5 gum excercise, I bought 5 game but it wasn’t the right one I guess. However I will welcome in a questions you throw my way, or anyone throws my way for next week! I hope all is well at the work place and I think of you often in a perfectly non-creepy super platonic way. ILY ❤

P.S here are some more random pictures from the internet
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